i thought something about writing tonight, even though it is after one in the morning, and i should go to bed. i don't necessarily know what i should write about, but i'm just going to let it go... flow...
biscuit starts kindergarten tomorrow. that is a funny story. last year she also started kindergarten at a prestigious private school. we were awarded a scholarship, bought the uniforms, and were ready to go. she was academically set to start. she was already wanting to write everything that she could and was more than ready to begin a year in school. however, we had just started a new family, moved out of a house with grandma (something she'd known her whole life) into a less inviting home, and so much more! there were just too many transitions at one time. and she was only four, and yet, not the youngest in the class. nonetheless, we decided that then was not the time.
even before last year i have been constantly praying for wisdom and discernment regarding choices to be made for the family, especially for biscuit. i've given thanks for God's power to move in our lives, almost unseen, to bring the right people in, take the wrong out, and transform others still to be followers of Christ, whether with our help or not. i've given thanks for His involvement in preparing places for biscuit... in church, in school, in life, in general. and i have seen His work over and over again. His blessing and favor on her life!
so when it came to decide what we were doing this year, why was i so discouraged? i would love to homeschool. but i know i'd lose my patience with her, and she with me. i know of what she is capable, i don't baby her if she acts up or goofs around. she doesn't like that. i want her to be serious because i know that she can be and because i know what she can do if she is serious... others don't. and yet, others seem to get more out of her by allowing her to be a child, first and foremost.
i also know her need to be social. we don't live in a neighborhood where there are kids. she doesn't see other children unless we're at church or she's at grandma's. and to be quite honest, i'm not a huge fan of any of them. and i know that i'm not going to be a fan of the kids in her class, either. because, while i love children, i really don't like how they are taught to behave (knowing full well, that i don't raise an angel). i just don't want her to not be social and thus wind up disliking and finding so much fault in people, like i do. this is something i want to remedy in myself as well. become less of a hermit (which will only happen if we're not homeschoolers, at least for this year).
so, homeschooling option gone, said presitigious private school back in the running. only this year, we're on the waiting list. still. so, we opted for public school. and that is where we stand. i will drive her to school in the early afternoon and see her begin a new chapter in her life.
i need to trust that God has answered prayers and that He will continue to give me peace surrounding this decision. and while she may be the only child reading in her kindergarten class, there are still plenty of things she'll learn and from which she'll benefit. i need to trust that this is the place that God has prepared, and that the leaders there are ones that He has put in place for a reason (one not necessarily for my daughter, or my will, but His). i need to trust that there is a purpose in all He does, including His use of me, biscuit, and the rest of the family.
i need to trust the peace that God has given me. to not doubt it, question it, or test it. but to know that it may only be for a season, and that it may not. to be confident in who He made her to be, and confident in what He gave to me in order to prepare her. she will do well, she will more than succeed, excel, or thrive! for He is good... all the time!
No comments:
Post a Comment