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so thrilling and so stupefying.

i have millions of emotions flowing through me at this moment. i'm sad, and angry, energized, and exhausted. is it from this that the creative juices flow? i hope. i miss that part of me.

i miss my little brother, too. and my best friend. it seems that once you get married you join a new club, where your friends are other wives and mothers, only... your stories are so dissimilar that a true friendship never really blossoms. oh, there are one or two that prove to be there whatever the weather. but even they need encouragement... unfortunately, at times when you're barely pulling yourself up by your boot straps, for God-knows-whatever-reason.

and in this new club, you're not offered advice on what to stock your pantries with and what to cook for dinner. you're not invited to dinner. and the saddest thing of all: you're not invited to parties anymore either. married people with children don't make out... they certainly don't party.

and so you find yourself missing your old friends. the ones that stayed up late with you stuffing cole slaw and crackers in your mouth while singing with louis at the anchor. you wonder, what happened to her, where is she now. the ones who helped you move in a night, in the dark, and in absolute silence, or was it more like running away? or stealing? the ones who wrote, talked, played, collaborated, and read with you.

does not work well with others.

there are so many stories to tell, so many talents in so many outlets. why the block? praying for encouragement, fresh ideas, peace of mind, forgiveness (of others), selflessness, simplicity, unquestionnable faith to move forward without stopping, without looking back.

this isn't about that summer in the rear view mirror anymore, you ripped the mirror off. it is about going slowly. you'll never repeat this moment again. it is about letting go and not giving in. it is most importantly, not about me.