on love...

about this time two years ago i was really fretting over moving out of my mother's house and into a house of my own. with a husband of my own. where i would have to cook. and clean. and be a wife. and a mother. without her mother so close. man, was i scared. there were times at work when i would just about break down and cry. in fact, there were tears. in fact, during our premarital counseling there were moments when i was finding myself reevaluating everything. so afraid that this permanent decision i was about to undertake was one big fat mistake.

i assure you, i was wrong.

i'm not saying that i was wrong to be scared. or to question my decision. no. i'm just saying that i was wrong in thinking, even for a second, that the decision may not be the right one.

i think it was good that i was thinking of our choice to marry in light of eternity. i think that all people dating and about to be married should think of their commitment like that. of course, fewer people may take the leap of faith, but would that be such a bad thing? we'd likely have fewer divorces, infidelity, heartbreak. or... maybe we wouldn't.

for me, taking the time to think of these things really brought me to a point where i was able to rest my head and future on God's shoulders. i believe that His Word is infallible and if that is true then i can rest in that i knew God had created me to be the mister's helpmeet. He had created me to leave my mother and join the mister in all things for the rest of our lives. He had answered my prayers in keeping the mister safe and free from harm and in God's Love until we met. and meet we did.

at starbucks.

what a story. both of us not looking for each other. but that is how it is, too, isn't it? me, his treasure and him, whom my soul loves who i won't let go. answers to prayers.

and now, almost two years into it i couldn't imagine having made any other decision. and if i had, what joy would i have never lived in? what would i have never learned about another human being? or myself? or my children? or God? because, let's be honest... there is nothing else in this world that becomes one like a husband and wife besides God Himself. there is nothing like understanding God through the duality of me and my mister. and i think that God laughs every time i forget it.

and now... on love. God's love. while driving home from work tonight, on three separate radio stations, brandon heath's song, "Your Love" was playing... it was surreal to say the least:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Vbg2dpX-EY
(copy and paste because i'm not sure how to embed or hyperlink)

and then... i changed the station a fourth time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knG4FULN5Ug
(copy and paste)

and now that i'm home, and finished writing, i will go kiss my husband... thankful for the life that we share, for the mornings that he kisses my feet and hands and face before he leaves for work, for the children that we love, for the coffee we've made and spilled and ground and thrown away, for the messes that we make and clean up, for the laundry that we do for each other, for the diapers and the dust, the fingernail clippings, and the hair in the bathroom, for the toothpaste we agree upon, for the trees that together we grow to love, for the goals and aspirations, for the disappointments and acceptance of changed plans, for the moments that i can see him from his friends' eyes, for the phone calls that he endures, for the kitchen towels that never find their way back to the oven rack, for the patience, encouragement, and the love. oh, that eternal, eternal love.

on forgetting my password...

if i forget my password every time i log into blog, then it is obviously too long between posts.

i'm feeling very creative lately. i just want to move in this creative flow but find that i can't. why not, you ask? i think that it is because i have too much stuff (too much physical stuff as well as too much stuff to do). therefore, in this creative flow i'm also feeling this urge to purge. i've heard repeatedly that people only wear 20% of their clothes 80% of the time. i know that has to be true. i find myself always keeping clothes and things "just in case". and then, undoubtedly, that "case" never comes around. also, with clothing, i love to wear lots of it and layer it so that means i need more of it. but in reality, i wear the same things over and over because i like them. and let's face it, it isn't that easy to find clothes that you look good in, feel comfortable in, and can either be pregnant or nursing in!

we've gone to quite a few events already this year where so many of my dresses have been eliminated from the permutations due to the inability to nurse! and it being summer thus removes so many of my many skirts. in fact, tonight while getting ready for a wedding i found a skirt in my closet on one of those hangers that holds four skirts/trousers/pants/shorts/etc. it was from express and is a size 1/2. it used to fit around my hips (in high school), but now fits only around my waist. why do i still have it if i haven't worn it in years?

i think that i'm going to trust god and really just let a lot (and boy do i mean a lot) of stuff go. i hold on to class notes and handouts and maps when i can find them all online if i were in need of resources when teaching.

i don't want to use all of this stuff to miss out on opportunities to live my life with my husband and my kids. i don't want to be martha busying myself with things around my house missing out on sitting at the feet of jesus.

on thinking at work...

there are a lot of times when i'm at work having brilliant conversations in my head or with customers. every time this happens i think about how i need to go home and write about it--whatever it may be. but i don't. and not for any particular reason. it is just how it is.

oh, and i forgot my password.

password changed. access reinstated. so here i am.

with nothing in particular to write about.

perhaps i'll write every day for the month of may? but i doubt that.

i used to have a professor that would encourage a "personal improvement project", or pip, at the start of every semester. it was so highly encouraged that it was part of our grade. of course the completion wasn't necessary as long as we were able to adequately reflect on our effort or lack thereof. i should do this more often.

that being said, i suppose that the pip for the month of april (which flew by so under the radar that i missed my best friend's birthday and didn't even change my calendar) would have been reading the Holy Bible. i bought an esv bible sometime in 2010 and i started the daily reading plan that was in the back of the bible in january. they say that it takes 21 days to create a habit. well, i read for 20 days and then stopped. i picked it back up about thirty-two days ago and i'm pretty stoked about my progress and commitment.

also, in the month of april i started reading and praying through "the power of a praying wife" consistently. i really enjoy the same "power of" book for parents... i can attest to the works of God through prayer that i learned through that book and i can't wait to see God move in my marriage.

so... i just need to keep up with that stuff through the month of may.

i thought about doing the hot yoga challenge--thirty days of yoga. i just don't know if i can make that commitment, yet. they don't have the schedule online for may so i can't even pretend to see how it aligns with my schedule. more to come, i suppose.

the baby is having problems with his skin. because he isn't really eating anything except the occasional peas and pears we're assuming that it is something i'm consuming. which means that i'm going to have to take it out of my diet. i'm not quite ready for the elimination diet; i, after all, like to eat. however, i don't like seeing my baby bothered in any way, especially to the point i've seen lately.

beginning tomorrow i'm starting a food diary and taking daily pictures. i'll get a few days into this before i make any further changes. more to come on that, as well.

ah... more to come, more to come. but for now, i rest.